I think this is a valid question for many people, both those who are interested in the teachings of Scripture and those who profess to put their faith in Christ. However, I believe that too few truly understand what contentment means from a Christian perspective. I believe many would ask the fundamental question, “How can there be contentment in self-denial?” This is a valid question and the focus of this post. Join me as we examine what contentment looks like when we deny ourselves for a much greater purpose.

When we begin using such language as “self-denial”, the tone drastically changes. It’s like wanting to experience the act of love, but when the word “work” comes into play, love takes a very different connotation. For example, everyone wants to find a spouse and fall in love and live happily ever after. What does ten years of marriage look like? I’m sure it’s very different than they originally thought. It takes much work in order to possess a lasting happiness. It doesn’t just happen as we hope it would!

A large part of the happiness we so desire is found in self-denial, the continual process of looking beyond one’s self. It requires looking past the moment, a particular feeling, an apprehension, and asking, “How can I serve in this very moment?”

Now what makes so many Christians discontent in life, in their marriages, in their profession, and in their place in life? These are not easy questions to answer, yet at the heart of the matter is sin. It is real and has captured the heart and mind of every person. A heart longs for something so much more, knowing this world is not enough, but often we seek to fill that void with the “stuff” of this world. We acquire possessions, run in certain social circles, and live to “serve” only in so far as it is convenient.

We can live in light of what others may think and seek confirmations from those around us that only affirm our wrong understanding. We are our own biggest cheerleader and love when others cheer us on too, even when it stands contrary to the teachings of Scripture. I think it is time that we reexamine our standards and principles and begin to ask some real and often unsettling and alarming questions.

First, conformity is a great thing but only when it comes to the truths of Scriptures. If you are living to please your little social circles then I’m afraid your contentment depends on the moods and actions of others, a state of perpetual flippancy. But when we are living to serve the Lord of Glory, even in the midst of trials when those friends are no longer around, the Lord gives great comfort and hope. There is nothing wrong with social circles, especially those formed in the church, but when we make our Christian life about them, then we easily and quickly fall into despair.

Secondly, what characterizes your life? What distinguishes you as a believer? What I’m asking is how has the Lord gifted you? Far too often, many of God’s children deny their gifts and talents. I want to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ to be creative and courageous, knowing the Lord is faithful. Honestly seek the Lord’s direction and allow Him to be your guide. I think you will experience a life, on this side of glory, unlike anything you could ever imagine!

Lastly, be faithful to the truths, commands, and exhortations of Scripture, which is God’s Word to His beloved children. That statement assumes we are actively engaged in reading and studying, privately and corporately. Let’s seek to know the Lord, in a more [adequate- what does this mean?], intimate, and fuller way.

The Lord has shown us much kindness and love in Christ. With that in mind, let’s seek to serve the Kingdom of God by faithfully learning, studying, and leaning on Him while living in the every day, ordinary moments of life! I believe contentment is found in seeking Him, in being satisfied in Him.

For several posts now, we have looked at discontentment and how it affects us in a very real way. It speaks to something deep within us; it can be expectations in relationships, unmet needs, aloneness, etc. We could attribute discontentment to numerous things. However, we haven’t addressed contentment, the place where we want to be and will do almost anything to get there.

For everyone who understands discontentment, we also understand that something exists, which provides a better, brighter picture than the current place in which I find myself. Why do you think that is so? Are we just idealist? Or is there something, inherent to who we are, that knows life should be so much more, deeper, more intimate relationships, better health, better self-image, greater understanding of one another, etc?

If you have been following this series, then you understand that discontentment is a telling thing about who we are. Even in our best times, discontentment can still rule our life and heart. If we want to see the perfect picture of discontentment and contentment, then we to look no further than Scripture itself and particularly Christ.

During the final time of Jesus’ ministry, right before His betrayal, we see the very humanity of Christ who was without sin. As He bowed before His Father, he says, “And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, ‘Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.’ And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground. (Luke 22:41-44 ESV)” Christ understood the pain and suffering that He was about to endure, but He also knew that the Father sent Him for a greater purpose.

Wait! You mean the God of love allowed His Son to endure torture and ultimately killed?! Absolutely! But why? The balance of anger and love culminate in God Himself, who took human form. You see, it is not the sacrifice of man that can pay the penalty against the anger we have caused. It is only God Himself, and Christ understood this most fully at that very moment in the garden. He knew it was coming: he anguish of being ridiculed and the pain of suffering a slow death, but He knew it was the will of the Father, which IS His will.

When I became a Christian, after years of rebellion, I had a wonderful woman, in her 70′s, mentor me during that time. She would repeat the same verses of Scripture to me over and over, each time I saw her. Over the years, they have stayed with me. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall make your path straight.” I believe it is here that true contentment is found. It’s when we look at ourselves and know that to trust ourselves mean much pain and suffering, internally and for those around us, but to look outward, upward to the Father and know His will is perfect and by His grace and mercy, we can live in the light of His will, knowing that His love is best known in dying a horrible death so that we may know true contentment!

*In my last post in this series, I am going to address contentment from a Christian perspective and how much of Christianity is characterized by many false ideals and understandings. For many, even professing believers, contentment is not true contentment; it’s binding ourselves to rules and principles not found in Scripture. It is a conformity of immense vulgarity! Join me in the last of the series as we look at such things as legalism and how such ideas have left God’s people wounded and hurting.

We have spent some time looking at discontentment, but in this post, I want us to look at discontentment as it manifests in relationships. As I said in my previous post, discontentment is not as easy as some may think. In relationships, it can be a legitimate feeling. For instance, stagnant relationships, even friendships and especially marriages, can make one extremely discontent. As I have said before, it’s about our response to discontentment, both in our heart and actions, rather than the inherent value of the actual feeling. But there is merit in both for the feeling can point to something very revealing as we will see below.

We are created to cultivate and grow in relationships. The deeper we grow, the more connected and committed we are to others. Imagine being in a friendship that never went further than casual, superficial talk about a particular topic or topics. That doesn’t sound like a friendship, right? We desire to know and be known; we want to grow deeper and closer.

Let’s ask a simple question. What is one thing that contributes to discontentment in relationships, particularly marriages? I believe we could summarize this question in one word, “expectations”. I think many people have certain expectations, and when those expectations aren’t met, then the relationship ceases to be fulfilling. Before long, that pivotal moment comes when one moves towards the relationship with determination and commitment to make it grow or to turn away with frustration, looking to have expectations met elsewhere.

Let’s take a moment to look at how expectations can contribute to discontentment. In other words, let’s examine what discontentment says about our own hearts. We can call it cultural, societal, familial, but the bottom line is that something rules our hearts, and it is foreign to our desires. We want to build lasting relationships but find ourselves going from relationship to relationship, seeking lasting fulfillment. Why are there divorces, broken friendships, and wounded people?

Discontentment can say much about the state of our own hearts and how we respond in the midst of difficult situations. Are we willing to have patience, actively pursuing a resolution that will bring about a deep, long-lasting, mature relationship, or we will abandon those in which we have invested time and energy only to find ourselves repeating the same process later in time?

One of my favorite words in Scripture appears repeatedly in the Old and New Testament. It is a word that describes God’s love for His people. It is a love that continually moves forward, towards His people with love and compassion as they move away, towards the lovers of their own making, the idols of their hearts. The closest English word we have is “long-suffering”*. It is a love that requires patience, humility, self-denial of our own wants and desires, and forbearance. It’s a love that redefines how we think and approach those dear to us!

Correction: the word I meant to use in this instance is “lovingkindness”. This is how most English translations translate the Hebrew word hesed.